


Projected Pining

by Best_Kind_of_Insanity



Series: Amortentia [2]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Amortentia, F/M, Love Potion/Spell, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-16
Updated: 2020-02-16
Packaged: 2021-02-28 02:22:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,627
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22756225
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Best_Kind_of_Insanity/pseuds/Best_Kind_of_Insanity
Summary: Valentine's Day is like every other day expect on most days flocks of girls aren't sourrounding Remus Lupin like vultures, trying to catch his attention in the most ungraceful ways, which is not an easy thing to witness when you're head over heels in love with the Gryffindor yourself. Josie really didn't need to be jealous on top of pining for something she can’t have.
Relationships: Remus Lupin/Original Female Character(s)
Series: Amortentia [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1636102
Kudos: 61





	Projected Pining

As always, I don’t recall what day it is until I’ve had some breakfast in my stomach. Though it’s pretty hard not to know today when I take one glance into the Great Hall and my senses get attacked with rose pedals and heart-shaped everythings. 

“Oh, it’s Valentine,” I recall. “I forgot.”

“You forgot?” Charlene, who walked with me here from our dorm, scoffs next to me. “It’s only been all everyone’s been talking about these past few days. How could you have missed it?”

“I don’t have a boyfriend,” I shrug. “Or the prospect of one. Why should I care that it’s Valentine’s day?”

It’s not like I missed it. I just didn’t remember it was today until I walked into the decorated Great Hall. I heard my friends talk about it. Daniel has been going back and forth between how big of a budget he should spend on his new girlfriend today. I only got involved when he was considering spending all of it on a string quartet. I like his girl just fine but they’ve only been going out for two weeks. I think a red rose should be sufficient. 

“Do you think Anthony will have remembered?” Charlene asks me hopefully. 

“You mean the guy who forgets his own birthday, who needs to be told that it’s Christmas?” 

If I were her, I wouldn’t hold out hope. 

“I dropped plenty of hints this past week,” She pouts. 

“Unless you flat-out told him what to get you, and repeated it every three hours – did you?” She shakes her head. “I think you should just be happy he isn’t a douche bag who ignored it on purpose.”

“How romantic,” She scowls.

“I’m just pointing out your priorities here. Do you want a guy who makes a grand romantic gesture once a year or do you want a guy who treats you like a goddess every single day but might not recall which day today is?”

She knows what the right answer is to that one. 

“Goddess,” She reluctantly admits. 

“Good,” I nod. “Now march over to the Ravenclaw table and tell your boyfriend you don’t care about Valentine’s day because he looks to be freaking out over not being prepared for this day.”  
Charlene turns in the direction I’m hinting at to see the blond boy sitting at his House’s table looking at the couples around him with obvious fear in his eyes, nearly having them tumble out of his sockets with how big they are. 

“You should be a relationship therapist,” She shoots me a grateful look before sauntering over to her boyfriend. 

Yep, that’s me. Always ready to give out relationship advise, as though I actually know what the fuck I’m talking about. I’m really good at faking it though. 

I walk over to my own black and yellow table so I can finally get some food in my system when I get manhandled into taking a seat in between two of my dorm members. 

“You know him, right?” Beth asks me urgently, as though my answer is of the utmost importance. 

“Who?” I frown. 

“Remus Lupin!” Katherina gives me the same crazy eyes as her best friend does. “You know him! Don’t you?”

“Of course I do,” I frown. “So do you. We’ve been in the same year for seven years now. It’d be weird if we didn’t know everyone.”

The classes aren’t that big. I knew everyone’s name in my year within the first week. 

“Not like that!” Beth sounds kind of angry with me. “We know who he is. We see him. We admire him.”

“We want him,” Katherina moans, which is weird because last time I checked the Gryffindor boy she has the hots for is Sirius Black, not his quieter friend. 

“You do?”

“How could we not!? He’s so hot!”

“He is?”

“Yes, are you fucking blind, Josie?!”

I’m not blind. I see Remus Lupin, and I like what I see. But I was under the impression that most girls at this school are too dazzled by James Potter’s and Sirius Black’s dominating presence to notice their sweet, considerate, attractive friend. Yet here I find myself with two of my dorm members, bemoaning him like a Greek god. Don’t get me wrong, Remus is attractive but what makes him so damn attractive is his endearing personality. As far as I know Beth and Katherina have never really interacted much with him so how would they know that? 

“You talk to him, I’ve seen you talk to him,” Katherina nods enthusiastically. “You’re friends? You know what he wants in a girl? Does he like brunettes, perhaps someone with a good fashion sense?”

“Or a blonde with a fine ass?” Beth asks hopefully. 

“I… don’t know if we’re friends?” I frown. I’d like to think we are. I just don’t think we’ve ever said that though. “We do patrols together sometimes. He’s my Potions partner. I don’t know what he likes in a girl.”

Because truth be told I’ve never really known him to show any interest in any girl. I’ve tried catching his eye once before but got burned pretty badly when he shot me down at the end of our sixth year.  
So he’s obviously not into a brown-haired prefect who is a distaster at History of Magic but needs the NEWT for her future aspirations as a reporter. He could be more into the immaculately dressed Katherina or Beth with the fine ass. I’m not about to tell them that though. I don’t need to be jealous on top of pining for something I can’t have. 

“If you want to know that, you could ask him yourself,” I suggest before getting up and sitting down somewhere else because I am not spending the morning of Valentine’s day discussing Remus Lupin. 

I take a seat opposite Aya and Collin who seem to be whispering sweet nothings in each other’s ears. 

“Do you have to do that at the breakfast table?” I fake-gag. 

“Today we get to flaunt our love,” Collin shushes me. 

“Right, because you don’t do that every other day,” I laugh. 

Two of my best friends hooking up, getting together, being in love is awesome. I just don’t have to see it every morning at breakfast. And lunch. And dinner. And in the common room. And that one really awkward time three weeks ago when I saw it in our dorm, on Aya’s bed, with a lot of nakedness involved. 

“What’s that?” Collin points at something next to me. It’s only when I turn in that direction I realise Heather has taken a seat next to me without me noticing. And she’s holding a tiny box with a ribbon on top. 

“Does someone have a secret admirer?” Aya teases as Heather unpacks the little box to reveal four little chocolates in the shape of a heart of course. 

“I wish,” She snorts. “James Potter and Sirius Black were distributing them to all singles in front of the Great Hall. Something about spreading the love to all those in search of it.”

“Apparently only the girls though,” Benjamin huffs. When did he sit down? “Where are my chocolates?”

“Whare weally wood twoo,” Heather tries to say as she stuffs one of them in her mouth. 

“What about me?” I frown. 

“You’re… good too?” She shrugs. 

“No,” I roll my eyes at her. “I’m a girl, I’m single. Why didn’t I get chocolates?”

I love chocolate and as I don’t have a secret admirer or any sort of admirer really, this would be the only way for me to get some. I didn’t even see the boys hand them out in front of the Great Hall. Then again, I wouldn’t even have gotten here if Charlene hadn’t steered me in the right direction. 

“I don’t’ know, but I’m not sharing mine.”

“Clearly,” I laugh. “Since you finished them all already.”

“I like chocolate,” She shrugs and then starts on her breakfast. 

“Incorrigible,” I shake my head at her with a smile. 

“We both like chocolate,” She says. 

“Yes,” I agree. “A lot of people do.”

“I like chocolate, he likes chocolate. We have so much in common,” She sighs. 

“What?” Benjamin stares at Heather who suddenly seems to have this dreamy look in her eyes.

“We’re soulmates,” She nods eagerly. 

“Who?”

“Me and Remus of course. I get him, he gets me. We’re perfect.”

“Oh, I see,” Collin laughs. “You’re mocking Josie’s crush. Good one, Heather.”

“That’s not funny!” I huff.

Because first of all, I don’t sound like that. Secondly, that’s pretty mean. Heather should know better than to make fun of my very one-sided feelings toward the Gryffindor. She’s seen me mope about it first-hand. 

“You can forget about that crush!” She angrily pokes a harsh finger on my forehead. “Remus is mine!”

Wait, what?!

“Are you okay, Heather?” Aya frowns in concern. “This is a weird joke.”

“My feelings are not a joke! Me and Remus are in love and I’m not letting Josie get in between us!” She rages. 

What the hell is going on? I’ve never known her to get aggressive over anything, let alone something that makes no sense. Heather doesn’t like Remus, in fact she came up with some convincing arguments as to why I shouldn’t want to date him. Not that it helped but she was still pretty good at it. 

“Are you unwell?” I ask her, concerned as well. But when I reach towards her forehead to check if she’s running a fever she angrily slaps it away. 

“I’ve never been better. I have- Remus!” And just like that she jumps up and runs off in the direction of the entrance of the Great Hall where the very, very recent object of her new affections has just appeared. But not only Heather is beyond eager to find Remus Lupin in the Great Hall. From all four tables, girls get up and scream his name, begging for his attention. Some in not so very classy ways. 

“What is going on?” I gasp as I watch a fourth year Slytherin press her boobs again the shy Gryffindor. 

“Is there something I’m missing?” Benjamin frowns. “When did girls start liking Lupin by the bushes?”

Is he looking at me for a reply? 

“Never mind,” He shakes his head. “But last time I checked Heather never expressed any interest in him, nor any of the girls who are basically throwing themselves at him.”

“Katherina and Beth were really into him as well this morning,” I remember. 

“They, and about a quarter of all the girls in here,” Collin scoffs. 

The flock of girls around Remus has grown to ridiculous proportions, I can’t even see the brown-haired boy over the crowd anymore. 

“Are you guys seeing this?” Daniel has come to stand behind us, staring at the odd phenomenon as well, clutching his girlfriend Brittany’s hand tightly in his, as though he’s afraid she’ll go join the other girls in the worshipping of Remus Lupin if he lets go. “Is that Heather?”

“She’s lost her mind,” Aya shakes her head. 

“They’re obviously under the influence of a Love Potion,” Brittany says and all heads turn in her directions. 

“What?”

“W-well,” She starts awkwardly, her relationship with our friend is still fresh enough that she hasn’t really interacted much with us before and she’s already quite shy naturally. “They didn’t all just realise their feelings for him, did they? Instead they’ve all become acutely enamoured to the point of obsession. Doesn’t that sound like Amortentia?” 

“But why?” I gape at her. Remus isn’t the kind of guy to drug a girl to get her to like him, let alone in such great numbers. 

“Why does anyone use Amortentia?” Collin rolls his eyes. “My question is how?”

He’s right. How do you administer a love potion on such a great scale? You can’t go spike everyone’s drink. It would take way too much time, not to mention heighten the chance of getting caught. And Heather didn’t even have a drink yet. She was too busy scarfing down her chocolates to even-

“The chocolates!” I realise, picking up the now empty box as though it might contain any proof. “They were distributed at the Great Hall to the girls!”

Not by Remus though. Heather said she’d been giving them by James Potter and Sirius Black. I look over at the Gryffindor table and find both boys sitting there, looking at the same scene as the rest of the Great Hall. But instead of being baffled or confused over it, they’re clearly laughing their arses off. 

“Is it a prank?” I frown. 

Girls like you, haha. How is that a burn? 

“They’ve got a weird sense of humour,” Collin shakes his head before turning back to his breakfast. 

It’s true that we don’t really get what the boys who call themselves the Marauders find funny about some of their pranks but this is a real head-scratcher. Is it supposed to be funny? Are they trying to simply embarrass their friend because knowing Remus, he must be mortified by now with all this intense attention. Or were they trying to be nice and hook their eternal single bud up? It’s really hard to tell with their grinning. Either way, I don’t like it. I knew I wouldn’t have Remus’ attention on me this Valentine’s Day but that doesn’t mean I want to watch almost half the girls our year and those younger stare at my crush as though he’s the last pumpkin pasty during a zombie apocalypse. This is going to be a long day. 

Aya and Collin eventually manage to wrestle Heather away from the massively grown fan club. It probably also helped that Remus had taken off himself, hopefully managing to lose at least half of the girls chasing after him. The professors easily came to the same conclusion as us and gave Sirius Black and James Potter a substantial amount of detentions. That doesn’t exactly fix the problem though. Professor Slughorn has started brewing the antidote which no one had lying around of course. But Daniel overheard him saying it’s a long process and he won’t have the antidote completed before midnight. Looks like it’s going to be a long day for Remus as well. 

I’m really glad my first class isn’t with Heather because during the five minutes I spend with her after Remus sprinted out of the Great Hall, I already felt like punching her for how very descriptive she is of her and Remus’ fictional relationship. I was very pleased to see Aya and Charlene drag her with them for their Herbology class. I am also happy that there aren’t many students taking Muggle Studies NEWT though I don’t think Nicole May’s poetic moaning of how Remus’ face catches the light is in any way preferable to Heather’s. I can only imagine how much worse my next class of the day is going to be. Potions is usually one of my favourite subjects, which has a lot to do with my Potions partner. Unfortunately, half the females of the student body are currently madly in love with my Potions partner, who I’m actually in love with myself, and I’ll probably have to watch them all fawn over him. Not looking forward to it at all. 

The classroom for Muggle Studies is actually quite removed from the Dungeons, that’s why I’m always one of the last students to enter the Potions classroom. A lot more girls take Potions NEWT and they’re seemingly all gathered around my work station. Merlin, it begins. 

“Excuse me. Pardon. Coming through. Sorry,” I push myself through the group of girls that reluctantly make way as I pass but never take their eyes of their prey. 

As I finally get to my work bench, I see Beth has claimed my seat and is making gooey eyes at my Potions partner. While certainly irritating, it’s not as bad as Seraphina Nott who is persistently trying to crawl into Remus’ lap. At least he’s pushing her away every time she makes another attempt, don’t know what’s supposed to fill my chest cavity if he was actually eagerly lapping up all this attention. 

“You’re in my seat,” I glare at Beth.

I know it’s not her fault. She’s not in her right mind and if she was, she wouldn’t be going after Remus as last time I checked she was into girls. But it doesn’t make me any less displeased with her current behaviour. My jealousy is not logical. 

“It’s my seat now,” She responds catty. 

“Like hell it is,” I scoff. “We could duel for it. I do remember me kicking your ass during our last duel though.”

That was in third year and I’m sure we’ve both improved since then. But I also know Beth isn’t good at duelling and might not want to take the risk. Of course that only works if the actual Beth is still in control of her actions. It looks like she still might be because she gets up but continues to hover nearby as all the other girls. At least I can take a seat now. As I do, I notice Remus looking at me kind of… scared seems like the right description. 

“Hi,” I say. 

“Hello,” He replies warily. 

“Don’t you think that’s going to get in the way of the brewing process?” I point to the girl in his lap. 

“Amongst other things,” He says slowly. He seems to be waiting for something. Am I supposed to say something? “Are you… in love with me?”

Yes. 

“Do you want me to be?” I laugh.

“Euhm… well, t-that’s,” He stumbles. 

“Don’t you have enough admirers already, “ I tease. “Do you really have to actively try and increase their numbers?” 

At my joke, I see his posture relax.

“You didn’t eat the chocolates,” He sighs in relief. 

“Nope!” I pop. 

“Thank Merlin for that,” He smiles at me, which ears me a glare from all the girls still standing around us. 

“Are they going to stand around like this the entire lesson?” I frown.

“They did for Herbology,” He groans. “I got nothing done.”

Well, my grades can’t afford to not fully participate in this lesson. Also, I want them gone for my own selfish reasons. Potions is the one moment I get to spend with Remus uninterrupted by his pals. I’m not letting his fan girls mess with that. 

“What’s that, Remus?” I say loudly. “You want to tell me which girl you’re in love with when there’s no one around to listen in on the conversation?”

The girls start to giggle amongst themselves, jittering with excitement, before they all return to their assigned seats, still staring at Remus, trying to strain their ears to catch that conversation we will most definitely not be having. But at least it’s just the two of us now. 

“Thank you,” He gives me a tired but grateful smile. 

“You’re welcome,” I return the gesture. “I don’t see how you haven’t at least considered hexing one of them.”

“I’ve considered it,” He admits quietly. “But then I remembered they’re not in their right minds and it’s not their fault.”

At those words, he sends a vicious glare – well, as vicious as Remus Lupin is capable of glaring – in the direction of his two friends who pretend not to notice. 

“I’m a bit confused towards their intentions. Was it supposed to be a nice thing? Or a laugh?”

“A bit of both, I assume. In their own way, I think they thought they were helpful while it’s also funny. I believe they call it a ‘win-win’.”

“They’ve dosed like thirty girls. Do they think you need that much help?”

Because in my humble opinion, he seems to do just fine on his own. I’m smitten and I know there are other girls who at least agree of their own volition that he has his own kind of charm. 

“How come you didn’t eat the chocolates?” He doesn’t answer my question. “You love chocolate.”

“I didn’t get any,” I shrug. “I didn’t even see them distribute it this morning.”

“Well, at least they still got that much sense,” He mutters. 

“Huh?” I frown. 

“Nothing,” He quickly says as though I hadn’t been meant to hear that. “Do you want to get the necessary ingredients from the pantry?”

“Are you afraid there are girls who want to snog you in there?” I laugh. 

“Yes,” He answers truthfully. “They’re everywhere.”

“Poor baby,” I tease which makes a blush appear on his cheeks. “Fine, you prep the bench then.”

Potions ends too soon, as it always does. Though I have to admit the girls staring at us the entire time I can do without. Well, glaring at me and looking at Remus with stars in their eyes. But Remus actually looks quite reluctant to leave the classroom this time as well. I suppose he was just relieved to have a girl talk to him without trying to roam her hands all over his body and having the others back off.  
He proves that theory right when I sit down in Charms class and find the empty seat that usually gets occupied by Benjamin or Heather, get filled by Remus. 

“This is… unexpected,” I slowly say. I don’t want to chase him off because a surprise it may be but it’s quite the pleasant one. 

“Do you mind?” He frowns in concern. 

“Of course not,” I smile. “You usually sit with your fellow prankers though.” 

I point towards his friends who look quite offended that he chose not to sit with them. 

“Yeah, well, I’m pretty displeased with them right now. And your company seems to keep the girls on Amortentia away.”

I look around to see that the girls are indeed back to staring but aren’t approaching. Are they seriously still believing the lie I told in Potions? 

“Hate to break it to you then but this is the last class of the day we have together. You’ll be on your own for the next one.”

“Just my luck,” He sighs. 

“It can’t all be bad,” I smile. “Which stalker is your favourite so far?”

Girls are literally throwing themselves at him. Doesn’t he get a little bit tempted? 

“That’s a though one,” He grins. “There’s a fourth year Slytherin girl whose interpretation of seduction is pressing her boobs against me every time I walk through the hallway. Nott is also partial to the physical approach. Donna Morningstern actually serenaded me in Herbology. Your friend Heather keeps shouting out the reasons she thinks we’d be perfect together. And then there’s Mary MacDonald who keeps tearing up every time I look at her.”

“All good options,” I nod mockingly. “Wouldn’t count Nicole May out just yet though. Her poem named ‘Thank you, Mr and Mrs Lupin, for making us Remus’ is the next big thing.”

“What?” He gasps. 

“My favourite line was ‘a man worth stealing away, who shall soon be my bae’. Or the show-stopper ‘his brown hair is all I desair’. There is some artistic liberty there. Pretty sure you’ve never been nicknamed ‘The Bunny’ either but she couldn’t find anything else that rhymes with funny.”

“I really hope you’re making that up.”

“I’m not,” I shake my head. “Like I said, though contender.”

“I have prefect patrols with her tonight,” He whimpers. 

“Do let me know how the poem has progressed then. I’m sure she’ll happily recite it to you,” I laugh. 

“You got patrol tonight?” He asks. 

“Yeah.”

“With who?”

“Lily. You can switch if you want to.” I can’t imagine him wanting to spend that time as well with someone currently obsessed with him. “I’m pretty sure Potter didn’t give his girlfriend a potion that makes her fall in love with someone else.”

“Good idea,” He agrees. “I’ll ask Lily to switch with me.”

That’s actually not what I had meant. I figured he’d switch with me so that he could go on patrol with Lily. But this works too. In fact, for me, this is much better. 

“Oh,” I simply say. “Okay.”

This is starting to look like my best day so far. Of course watching girls chase after the guy I like quite persistently hasn’t been great, but I might actually spend the most time I have had with Remus within 24 hours. The Love Potion dousing on a large scale might actually be working in my favour. 

“Why did Valentine’s Day have to happen on a Wednesday?” He sighs. 

“Is it better on Thursday?” I frown. 

“No,” He laughs. “But if it was on Saturday, I could just haul up inside my dorm. I can’t miss these classes though.”

“You would skip out on a Hogmseade trip?”

“Have you not seen those girls’ persistence?”

Fair point. 

“You wouldn’t be able to stash up on chocolate though. And I know you need your stash.”

“That’s true too,” He agrees. 

“Plus, it will be lunch time soon. Which means you only need twelve more hours to get through.”

He’s been enduring the previous hours quite gracefully actually. If I had thirty boys running after me… well, I’d probably be taking more advantage of it than he has. 

“And then those girls are going to kill me,” He sighs. 

“What? Why would they do that?”

“I ruined their Valentine’s Day. Some of those girls probably had plans for today, with someone they actually like, and instead they’re intoxicated with the idea that they’re in love with me. Once they go back to normal, they’ll hate me for it.”

“But you didn’t do this.”

“They don’t know that. All they’ll know is that they thought they were in love with me and usually the person you get those feelings for is the person who administered the Amortentia.”

“So we’ll tell them otherwise. I’ll explain it to Heather. Everyone knows no one can spread a rumour as fast as her. It also applies to the truth.”

“You’d do that for me?” Remus smiles gently at me. 

He could probably ask me a hell of a lot more than that and I’d happily oblige. It might be in my best interest not to let him know that. 

“I’d happily see James and Sirius taken down a peg or two in the eyes of the girls at Hogwarts.”

“It would be deserving,” Remus agrees. 

Not that it would do much damage to their reputations. Many a girl has forgiven Sirius for screwing them over in the past, I’m sure they’ll pardon him for this as well. 

“You didn’t answer my question earlier,” I remember as I open my book on the required page. 

“What question?”

“Why do your friends believe you need help in finding yourself a date?”

As he didn’t answer my question the last time I asked, I realise now that it embarrassed him before. As I embarrass him now. He lowers his head and I can once again see a blush appear on his cheeks. 

“I didn’t-“ I start to apologise by to my surprise he actually answers. 

“Because of… personal reasons, I do not desire dating,” He slowly says. 

What does that mean? Does Remus just not date in general? Ever? Is he not a teenage boy, with certain desires? I do believe he briefly dated Mary MacDonald in fourth year. But it is true that I’ve never heard of him going on a date or expressing any kind of interest in a girl after that. Why would that be a conscious choice?

“I’m sorry,” I apologise. “I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable. It’s really none of my business.”

“You didn’t,” He says, and yet the conversation does not pick up after that. So I definitely did make it uncomfortable. He certainly doesn’t seem reluctant to leave at the end of class like he had been at Potions. 

Lunch is more of an ordeal than I thought it would be. Remus has decided to skip lunch apparently as he didn’t show up, and neither did his friends. Which you’d think would make it a calm affair as there is no guy present all the girls will crawl over each other to get to. But instead we just get to listen to them all whine about how much they miss him and drive themselves insane with jealousy over who he could be with right now. 

“Can someone just throw a Full Body-Bind at her?” I sigh in aggravation as Heather goes on another rant as to why she’s so much better for Remus than all the other girls.

“You’d like that, wouldn’t you?” She narrows her eyes at me. “With me out of the way, you can make a pass at Remus. Well, I won’t have it! He’s mine!”

And on top of having to listen to my friend stating why she’s the best match for my crush, I also get to endure remarks like that. For some reason, she thinks I’m going to make a move on a guy she now considers to be her property. He’s not and I won’t. Because I already tried once and was shut down. It doesn’t matter that we’re close and always have a good time together and sometimes he says something or looks at me a certain way that makes me think again that maybe these feelings aren’t entirely unreciprocated. But he had the chance to be with me, I made that very clear to him, and he flat out told me no. There’s no way I’m going down that road again. My heart and self-esteem couldn’t take a second rejection from him. The first was already pretty brutal on both.

“You’ll have to fight thirty girls over him though,” I scowl anyway. Heather might not consciously be saying things to upset me, but I’m still going to retort. 

“Don’t you mean thirty-one?” Aya whispers in my ear. 

I turn at her with a glare. At least that is the intention. I fear that instead I just look shocked. 

“Must be a hard day for you,” She shakes her head apologetically. 

All my friends know about my feelings for Remus Lupin and how I idiotically confessed them to him last year, only to get a rejection in return. Though I’ve only confided in Heather how very deeply that stung me and trashed my self-esteem. But the way Aya is looking at me right now, suggest that perhaps she is aware of it as well, despite me never voicing it to her. 

“No harder than usual,” I admit. 

Being around Remus is wonderful and simultaneously torture. I like him a lot. He’s smart and funny and sweet and generous and witty and everything I learn about him makes me like him even more. And that sucks because he doesn’t feel the same way about me. And I’m so in love with him that I can’t even entertain the idea of liking anyone else. I shot down Cecil Fawsley when he asked me out three months ago, who is positively dreamy but just pales in comparison to Remus. It really sucks. 

The reason I haven’t confided to Aya how deeply I still feel for a guy who turned me down is because she’s insisting that despite the rejection, Remus must have feelings for me. She comes up with good arguments as to why my crush might not be so one-sided after all. He seeks out my company, he laughs at my jokes, he smiles at my presence, he called me a catch once. I have deluded myself into thinking I have a chance with him once before, I’m not doing it again. And Aya’s encouragements only set me up for another heartbreak. Heather’s reasoning as to why he’d make a terrible boyfriend to me are much more helpful. 

Regardless of the fact that I try hard to keep the false hope at bay, I feel giddy by the prospect of seeing him in the evening as I make my way to the fifth floor for patrols. Remus isn’t there yet as I arrive. Well, I’m ten minutes early anyway but he’s usually here fifteen minutes before the agreed time. Odd, but not worrisome. I do get concerned however when it’s 8:10 and he still isn’t here. He is punctual to a fault so what could be the hold-up?

The answer is given to me when I hear giggles resounding through the hallway. Soon a group of girls enter the corner and in the centre of them is, of course, Remus Lupin. They all look at him with stars in their eyes and a flush on their face. He just catches my eye over their heads in exasperation. Looks like he wasn’t successful in getting rid of these few persistent admirers. 

“Remus,” I greet him. “Remus’ entourage.”

The girls barely acknowledge me and the three that do, do so with a glare. 

“Sorry I’m late,” He apologizes. 

“Clearly you were caught up in… different obligations.”

“They wouldn’t listen when I told them they couldn’t come along,” He sighs, slapping a girl’s hand away that was inching closer to his butt. 

“It’s going to be a little hard to patrol the hallways this way,” I tease. 

He doesn’t smile back, I think the events of today have properly worn him down by now. Since these girls won’t listen to him when he tells them to back off, it seems like it once again falls on me to get rid of his fan club. 

“Girls,” I address the five students still hanging around him. “Remus knows his options. As you are all such fine girlfriend-material, he will sleep on it for a night and return with a reply as to who he’ll date in the morning.”

If I thought that would make them hopefully skip towards their own beds, I’m sorely mistaken. They just glare at me and then return their attention to the boy they’ve been following around all day. 

“Well, it’s not like the five of you stand a chance anyway,” Five angry heads turn back towards me. “You’re here, after curfew. And Remus despises girls who break the rules. Biggest turn-off ever, right, Remus?”

“Euhm… wha- Oh! Yes, it’s the worst,” He nods when he gets what I’m trying to do here. 

“But, Remmy, I don’t want to leave you,” One of the girls whines as she wraps her arms more tightly around his biceps. 

“Absence makes the heart grow fonder. Give him the opportunity to miss you,” I suggest but they’re still not moving away. 

We better figure out some way to get ride of these girls because I am not spending the next two hours patrolling the hallways with them in tow. Remus might have the patience to deal with them but I don’t. 

“Wouldn’t matter anyway,” I eventually shrug. “Remus already told Heather he loves her.”

“What?!” They shriek in unison which is bound to leave my ears ringing. “I’ll kill her!”

The girls shout out their indignation and quite some creative threats at my friend’s address before they storm off, presumably to take out their competition. If any of them were Hufflepuffs, I’d be really worried about Heather’s safety. 

“Is that a good idea?” He frowns as the girls turn the corner and finally leave us be. 

“Probably not,” I admit. “But they won’t get to her in our dorm tonight and by morning they will all have come to their senses.”

“Isn’t Heather still going to be upset about this tomorrow?”

“Let’s call it even,” I smile, which he doesn’t get of course. 

She was a total bitch to me today, and even though that’s not on her, she will forgive me for giving one sting back. 

“I have a headache,” He sighs. 

He looks exhausted. I can’t blame him, just looking at these girls demanding his attention in the most ridiculous ways wore me out. 

“I’m honestly surprised that you haven’t succumbed to this whole thing yet.”

I think it’s remarkable he hasn’t gone through three mental breakdowns today. 

“Yeah,” He nods absentmindedly. 

I don’t think he has the energy to go on our patrol route, not that I can blame him. After the day he’s had, he deserves to be left off the hook. 

“You know what you need,” I muse. “Hot coco.”

And after the confusingly turbulent day I’ve had myself, I deserve one too.

“Now?” He frowns. 

“Why not?” I shrug. 

“Because we’re on patrols.”

“Are you sure you want to walk the hallways right now? I’d say there’s about an 85 percent chance that the only students roaming around the castle right now are girls on Amortentia looking to get their hooks into you. Do you really want to go find them yourself?”

“To the kitchens then,” He agrees after very brief contemplation. 

I’m not surprised that Remus Lupin, member of the notorious Marauders knows how to get into the kitchens. I know it as well but that’s only because I’m a Hufflepuff whose common room is very close to it. I’m sure his knowledge is more likely due to his midnight escapades. 

We get to the kitchens pretty quickly, where I tickle the pair and Remus orders two hot chocolates to the mass of house elves who greet us as soon as we set one foot inside, before taking a seat. As thirty creatures who love stuffing our faces are all scrambling to service us, it takes only a couple of seconds before we are both presented with a gigantic cup of hot coco. 

“This is the life,” Remus groans as he takes a gulp and I’m trying hard not to blush at the sounds he’s making right now. 

“Right, chocolate and a fan club,” I smile. “What more do you need?”

“I can do without one of those two things.”

It’s definitely not chocolate. 

“You are the biggest sweet tooth I’ve ever met, Remus John Lupin,” I shake my head smiling. And probably the furthest of a ladies man ever. 

It’s mostly him not knowing his own charm that makes him bloody irresistible to me. Like right now he has this tiny frown on his forehead, looking slightly confused and I find it adorable whilst simultaneously attractive. 

“What?” I ask him as he keeps that expression on his face. 

“I never told you my middle name.”

“You didn’t,” I agree. “Am I right? I know it’s tradition for a wizard to be given their father’s name as a middle name. You told me your father’s name is John.”

“You remember that?” His frown only deepens but there’s something new in his gaze that I can’t quite place. 

“Of course I do,” I scoff. “You told me all about your family last year, remember?”

That was before I made the mistake of expressing my feelings and asking him out. We had gotten quite close and spoke of lots of things such as families and aspirations and fears. I know him a lot better than he thinks I do.

“Yes,” He nods. “We bonded over over-protective parents, who have no other children to take the pressure of.”

“It’s still a little different though,” I snort in my coco. 

That’s something I didn’t tell him last time we had this conversation because I was so pleased with having something in common with my crush, I wasn’t going to mess that up by pointing out something most people don’t like to be reminded of. 

“What do you mean?”

“Your parents are wizards. They know where you’re going when you attend Hogwarts, mine feel as though they’re shipping me off into space. They don’t know what the magical world is like. I tell them of course but it’s not the same as having gone through the same experience themselves.”

My parents are naturally overprotective, always have been, but they kind of kicked it into overdrive when they found out their only child was a witch and going to a magical boarding school they couldn’t visit beforehand, a castle they can’t even see. I’m proud of my family. They can call me mudblood, I know I’m not. But it’s complicated being different from the others in my family, it’s not a nice feeling being considered an outsider everywhere I go. 

“Hasn’t that improved?”

“Well, I’m not eleven anymore. That helps.”

I do think they get a fraction less anxious every year I return to them safely. They haven’t even shed a tear on the platform since fifth year. I suppose that’s improvement. 

“I hadn’t really thought about that,” He frowns. 

“That’s I’m not eleven?”

I really hope he noticed that before right now. 

“I know that,” He laughs. “I meant what it must be like to come to this world you and your family have never heard about. 

“I think I’m a proper witch now,” I smile. “But I was so lost the first years, especially when there are people in this castle who haven’t exactly made me feel welcome.”

Not even knowing what a mudblood was, I was in for a proper shock when the insult was thrown at my head on too regular a basis. As if finding out magic is real and getting shipped off to a magical school wasn’t already mind-blowing enough, I had to realise that in this new amazing world, I’m not considered to be an equal by some wizards and witches. 

“You’re a great witch,” He quickly agrees. “And I’ve never thought you to less because of your heritage. Whether you come from a magical family or not has nothing to do with who you are."

“I know,” I can just feel my gaze soften towards him. “That’s one of the many reasons I like you.”

I did not just say that. 

Remus’ eyes grow big and he’s just staring at me awkwardly. Me and my fucking mouth! I can’t wear my heart on my tongue around him, I know this. The only reason the two of us got back to normal after my confession, is because we kind of pretended it didn’t happen and never spoke of it again. After getting shot down, I just wanted to go back to the way things were but Remus was so awkward around me, avoiding me and just not knowing how to act. The only way I got him to stop is by talking to him like nothing happened and slowly he started being normal again as well. I might just have ruined that now though. 

“I’m glad we’re friends,” I smile hesitantly, trying to diffuse the situation by pointing out that I know there will never be anything romantic between us even though sometimes the attraction between us gets so overwhelming, I don’t see how he doesn’t feel it. 

“Yeah,” He nods slowly. “Friends.”

It doesn’t feel quite normal but at least this time he didn’t just run away. 

“I don’t know about you but my cup’s empty and I do think my patrol ended five minutes ago,” I get up from my seat. “I’m heading back to my common room. See you tomorrow.”

“See you,” He mutters when I walk past him out of the kitchen. 

Alright so maybe this time I’m the one running. But this situation clearly needed one of us to remove themselves and if that person is him, I might not actually see him again. 

I practically run all the way back to the common room, to throw myself on my bed in the dorm and drown myself in my sheets. It was going so well. Despite all the girls throwing themselves at Remus, today things have been really well between me and him. Now I’ve gone and ruined it by reminding him I might still be in love with him. I know I am but there’s no reason to let him in on it. 

“Josie?” Someone is apparently still awake in this dorm. 

“Yeah?” I grunt into my pillow. 

The curtains around my bed move and Heather slips through. Great, just what I need. Another grilling on why I should back away from Remus and let Amortentia-induced Heather have him.

“Did you just come back from patrols?”

“Yeah, and I promise I talked you up to Remus the entire time,” I lie. “He knows you like him, I’m sure he likes you back. You guys should make out in the morning.”

She’ll be over him by morning and I won’t have to watch girls come on to him anymore. Well, odds are that will still happen but at least those girls will have more grace and appreciate him for the same reasons I do, and not because a potion made them. 

“I don’t like Remus,” She snorts. 

I sit up to look at her. 

“You don’t?” I frown. 

The crazed look does seem to be absent from her eyes. I know what it looks like, I’ve been seeing it everywhere all day.

“Well, I did. Up until thirty minutes ago. And then I realised that I don’t think he’s that handsome, or have anything in common with him. And one of my best friend’s in love with him, so that would break girl code for sure. You know I don’t do that.”

“You’re back,” I sigh gratefully, before throwing my arms around her in a hug. 

“Never really left,” I feel her shrug. “But I did just realise that I’m not in love with the boy you’re in love with.”

“I had a rollercoaster day,” I whine to her before pulling away. 

“You did? I just snapped out of a haze I don’t even remember getting into, vaguely realising I made a total ass of myself by pursuing a guy I don’t even want. The others told me all the embarrassing things I did today. And what a cow I’ve been to you.”

“Well, to be fair, you were not even the worst of his admirers.”

At least Heather didn’t shove her boobs in his face or tried to kiss him very much against his will, like I’ve seen at least two girls do today. 

“Still, enduring that must have been though on you. And I wasn’t there to help, I just made it worse.”

She’s being so nice and considerate to me now, and actually every normal day as well, I’m not mad over it anymore. She might not have been a good friend today but not of her own volition. I made her enemy number one to a bunch of crazy chicks and I was very much in the right state of mind. 

“I was a worse friend,” I tell her. “I totally offered you up as collateral damage to his admirers, just to get them to back off.”

“You did?”

“They’re under the impression Remus prefers you over them and therefore you are the one thing standing in the way of their true love. Actually, since you’re back to normal, they should be too. So, the good news is that there aren’t crazy girls coming after you.”

“You send bonker bitches on my ass?” She snorts. 

“Yeah,” I admit. 

“You are jealous!”

“I know,” I whine. “I thought I was over him.”

She gives me a disbelieving look. 

“Fine, I knew I wasn’t over him,” I roll my eyes. “But I didn’t know it could still hurt like this.”

“I’m sorry,” She squeezes my hand. “Tomorrow will be better.”

“Will it?” I frown. “He still won’t love me back. He might not have flocks of girls around him but at some point he’s going to date someone, he’s going to have someone at his side the way that I want to be. And if that’s a permanent thing, it will tear me apart.”

“Do you want me to kick his ass?” She asks me seriously. 

“I really don’t think that will make me feel better,” I laugh. “But thank you.”

“You’re welcome,” She smiles. 

Tomorrow will be better. At least a bit, I want to believe that. But I had hoped to be over the guy after all these months. It hasn’t changed my feelings a bit though. Crushes sometimes don’t get answered, but I don’t get how it can be one-sided when I feel it this deeply. 

There are no desperate girls crying for Remus’ attention at breakfast the next day so at the very least that’s an improvement compared to yesterday. Remus is only getting bothered by the same girls demanding where his best friends are. I stayed true to my word and informed Heather of the culprits to blame for her acute romantic feelings for Remus. She spread the word, as I told him she would and now every girl in this castle who was on Amortentia yesterday is out for James Potter and Sirius Black’s blood. They at least seem to have made the sound decision to skip breakfast today, and all classes as they show up for none of them. 

Heather still looks smug as though she got her vengeance when she walks into the Herbology greenhouse. 

“Why are you smiling?” I frown as she takes a seat next to me. 

“Do you think someone slipped her Amortentia today as well?” Charlene wonders out loud. “She was smiling creepily yesterday as well.”

True, but in a different way. This smirk on her face right now is very familiar and thus of her own making. 

“I am smiling, my friends, because I got my pay-back,” She smiles smugly. 

“What does that mean?”

“It means that Sirius and James will not be making the same mistake twice. Also, they have persistent rashes in the most inconvenient places,” She laughs. 

I’m not even going to ask what she did specifically. Pretty sure I don’t want to know. I’m just trusting her word that she got even. 

“Sometimes you scare me,” Charlene shake her head. 

“Only sometimes?” She teases. “Anyway, now that I got what I wanted, I suppose I should feel somewhat flattered.”

“Flattered?”

“Well, I asked them why me. Why those girls instead of just all girls? And they told me that they gave the chocolates to every single girl who’s not a cow.”

What?!

“Oh,” Charlene sighs. “That’s why you got them while me and Aya didn’t get any.”

“But I didn’t either!” I gasp out. “And I am single!”

I’m a cow?!

“Euhm,” Heather and Charlene share a panicked look. “I’m sure they didn’t mean like every girl.”

“Is that not what they said?” I turn to Heather and will her to tell the truth with my glare. 

“I… yeah, they did but maybe they just missed you when they were handing out the chocolates at the Great Hall?”

So they got them to every girl but me? Doesn’t sound bloody likely. I don’t want either of those two to be attracted to me but by not giving me those chocolates, which I honestly don’t even want, makes me feel like I’ve been dubbed ugly and not worthy of their friend. As if I needed to feel even worse about that. 

My friends still try to make me feel better. But now that I’ve been dubbed a cow, their sweet encouragements don’t do anything for me. I’m going to give Sirius Black and James Potter a piece of my mind. I am a nice girl but this will not go unpunished. I’m calling them out on their superficial rating of girls, like we’re just merchandise they can pick out as a gift for their friend. 

“Where are they?” I ask Heather as soon as class is over. I don’t need to explain who I’m talking about, she knows who I mean. 

“The one place they thought no one would go looking for them,” She smirks. “The Library.”

True, I would never go looking for them there. I only see them at the library when Remus drags them with him and since he has gone to his classes today, I’m really surprised they’re there. But just as Heather told me, I can find the two Gryffindors hiding in Remus’s usual study corner, fidgeting uncomfortably in their seats due to Heather’s payback. . 

“I’m a cow!?!” I yell at them, not caring that we’re somewhere we should usually use our indoor voice. 

“You’re clearly not have a great hair day,” Sirius Black gestures towards my hair like it’s some kind of bird nest. “but I wouldn’t go that far.”

If my blood wasn’t already boiling, it sure would be now. 

“Apparently you would! What the hell are you calling me a cow for?!”

“We never called you names, Josie,” James is doing a really good job at looking innocent but I believe Heather over him. 

“Really? So you didn’t say you handed out the Amotentia chocolates to every single girl who’s not a cow?“

“Oh,” They finally nod their heads in understanding. “That wasn’t about you.”

“How can it not be? I’m single and I didn’t get the chocolates. Therefore, you clearly think I’m ugly as the night.”

“No, you’re real pretty,” Sirius compliments and it doesn’t mean shit. 

“Then why didn’t I get chocolates?”

“Did you want them?” James frowns. 

“Of course not! But I don’t want to be called a cow either.”

“You’re not,” He tries to reassure me. It’s not working. “This isn’t about that.”

That’s not an answer to my question. 

“Why didn’t I get them?” I insist. 

“We were never going to give them to you,” Sirius scoffs. 

“Why?”

“He would have killed us.”

“Who?” I frown. 

I’m confused. Are we not talking about the chocolates anymore?

“Remus, of course.”

“Why?”

“Padfoot-“ James warns him. 

“Let’s just tell her. I don’t want a gorgeous girl thinking I don’t see her beauty.”

“Tell me what?”

“That Remus would have never forgiven us if we had given you the Amortentia as well.”

“Because?”

“Because that’s not how he’d want things to you down between the two of you. Pretty sure he wants you to have a choice in the matter.”

I’m still so very confused. 

“What do you mean?”

“Didn’t he say he liked her for her brain as well? She’s being pretty thick right now.”

“Wait, wait, wait! Are you saying that Remus didn’t want me to drink a potion that makes me like him…. because he likes me?”

I actually get that’s what they’re saying right now but it still doesn’t make any sense. Because I do like Remus, I never needed Amortentia for that. He’s the one who doesn’t like me back. 

“Yes!” They simultaneously roll their eyes at me. 

“You’re wrong,” I shake my head in denial. “He doesn’t. Whatever made you think he does, it’s not-“

“We know he likes you because he told us.”

“That doesn’t make any sense,” I frown, wanting to believe this, so very badly, but knowing Remus said something entirely different to me. “He turned me down.”

I remember like it was yesterday. I know he turned me down. 

“What?! That lying little prick. He told us you were giving him friendzone vibes,” James gasps. 

“That’s what he did to me!”

“He friendzoned you?”

“Well, no. He pretty much iced me out and then I put myself in the friendzone since he wouldn’t talk to me any other way.”

I don’t want to be just friends, but I don’t want to be nothing either. 

“Do you think that’s about…,” Sirius conveys a message to James through a look that I don’t get at all. 

“Has to be,” James agrees. “Josie, Remus gets a bit weird when it comes to dating. Him turning you down was not about not liking you. He does, he’s been surprisingly vocal about it.”

He said he did not desire dating, for reasons he didn’t want to explain. But surely that wouldn’t get in the way of dating someone he actually likes, right? I thought he just didn’t want to go on random dates, that it would be different if he ever liked someone. 

Remus likes me? Remus likes me! He doesn’t want to date me but not because he doesn’t like me! Which still makes no sense but I can’t be too concerned about that because I just found out that Remus Lupin likes me back. 

“He doesn’t want to date,” James gives me a pointed look. “But maybe someone could change that.”

I said I wouldn’t put my heart on the line like that again. But this time it’s different, this time I know these feelings aren’t one-sided anymore. 

“I need to…I have to… go and get-“

“Clocktower courtyard,” Sirius looks up from something in his lap and winks. 

I know how Remus feels now, and I know where he is. Looks like I’m doing this for the second time. 

I make my way over to the courtyard as quickly as I can. Just like Sirius said he would be, I find Remus Lupin sitting on a bench by himself with his nose in a book. Most people are at the Great Hall right now so there are no witnesses around into what may very well turn into yet another rejection. But in the light of the new information, I have to try.  
I take a seat next to him and stare, trying to figure out how to properly approach this. Probably staring a little too intensely. 

“Josie?” He frowns, looking very uncomfortable beneath my gaze. “Are you okay? You look a bit upset.”

“You said no!” It comes out much more accusing than I intended. 

But he did say no. Did he lie? 

“When?”

“Last year, I told you I was in love with you and I asked you if there was any chance of you maybe ever feeling the same thing and if you’d go out with me.”

I broke an important rule of our friendship. Never ever mention that time I poured out my heart to him and he shot me down. He was sort of nice about it but that didn’t make it hurt any less. 

Remus jumps up in fright at my words, looking ready to sprint out at a moment’s notice. 

“Wh-why would you?” He stutters. “That was so long ago.”

“Not to me,” I jump up as well which makes him take a whole step backwards. Does he think I’m going to hex him or something? “Did you lie to me back then? When you told me you would never have those feelings for me?”

“Why are you bringing this up? We don’t have to talk about it again.”

“We never talked about it in the first place, mostly because I didn’t want to lose you,” I admit. 

“But you do now?”

The very idea is just enough to make me second-doubt this decision to basically corner him and make him confess how he feels. I don’t ever want to lose him, as a friend or anything really. But I can’t keep bottling this up any longer. I need to know. 

“Remus, do you have feelings for me?”

He looks like I just slapped him in the face. Not the greatest response. 

“Josie… I don’t date.”

“That’s not what I’m asking.”

Regardless of the fact that he doesn’t date, I just want to know if he likes me back, the way James and Sirius told me he did.

“I…” He looks a bit lost for words, and like he’s rather be anywhere other than here. He’s not agreeing with the words, neither is he disagreeing. Why isn’t he saying anything? 

“That’s not a no,” I say.

I’m trying to stay positive here. Despite his lack of properly answering my questions, he hasn’t actually turned me down yet. 

He stops being all fidgety and instead looks at me like I just called him the worst person in the world. That can’t be a good sign. 

“It’s not a no,” He agrees. 

Wait, that means it’s a yes, right?!

I can’ stop the wide smile from creeping up on my face, which seems to alarm him. 

“Josie, that does not mean that we’ll be going out or something like-“

I’m not letting him finish that sentence. It doesn’t matter right now all the reasons he doesn’t want to be my boyfriend. Point is he likes me and that’s really all I need. So before he can start denying our attraction again, I take big strides towards him to come nose to nose. Well, almost since he’s nearly half a head taller than me. All I need to do is stand on my toes and kiss him. 

For someone who’s trying to fight me on getting together, he kisses me back pretty quickly and enthusiastically. Feeling his embrace is wonderful. It’s really all I’ve ever wanted. So I don’t fully understand why he suddenly breaks it off and stares at me with shock and guilt. 

“I can’t,” He winces. 

“You just did!”

That was most definitely not a one-sided kiss. 

“Well, I shouldn’t,” He walks back over to the bench I found him on at the beginning of this conversation where he slumps down and drops his head in his hands. For someone who just kissed the girl he likes for the first time, he doesn’t seem to be very happy. In fact he looks kind of defeated. 

“Remus,” I say softly as I take a seat next to him, wondering whether he’d let me touch him again. “You don’t have to tell me why you have imposed this no-dating rule on yourself. I suppose that is your business. But if I like you and you like me, I don’t see why we can’t just like one another.”

And kiss. Definitely need to do that again. 

He doesn’t answer me, instead he looks up and gives me this odd, conflicted, longing look. Like I’m dangling a piece of chocolate in front of him, telling he can’t have it. But I’m saying he can, he just doesn’t want it. Except that he obviously does. So maybe it’s like a labelling issue? 

“We could just be two people who like each other and hang out. And kiss like that again,” I suggest, because that was a pretty good kiss. 

He snorts and it’s first time he seems to find some joy in the situation. 

“So like dating?”

“Well, we don’t have to call it that,” I shrug. 

“Look, Josie,” He sighs. “I really like you, you’re important to me. So the last thing I want to do is hurt you.”

“Are you planning to hurt me?” I frown. 

“No, of course not! Sometimes that just happens, regardless of what I intend for.”

“That’s kind of always the risk of dating, you know.”

“This is different,” He shakes his head. 

“Why?”

“You deserve so much better than me.”

“What?” Is that what this is all about? Well, if that’s the issue, I can label this whatever I want. “Do you think I deserve the best?”

“Absolutely,” He nods quickly. 

“Good,” I smile. “Then I deserve you, who I consider to be the best for me.”

“Josie…”

“I’m in love with you, Remus. I want to be with you and if fear of not being good enough or hurting me is what’s holding you back, then I will not allow it to. This thing between us is happening, whether you want it to or not.”

“Are you…” A slight smile forming on his lips. “forcing me to be your boyfriend?”

“Forcing sounds so terrible. But I suppose I am.”

“I might regret submitting to this,” He sighs. 

But that is a yes. It’s definitely a yes now. 

I squeeze his hand and use my other one to turn his head completely towards me so I can kiss him again. Remus Lupin, my reluctant boyfriend. I can get used to this.


End file.
